Its always funny until someone gets hurt. What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left. I was married by a judge. ~ Woody Allen, Men are like bank accounts. 64. f youre going to do something tonight that youll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Impressive! Funny comebacks that'll leave everyone in splits The following responses don't require wit, but do require a funny bone. 63. Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. ~ Mark Twain, What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? Awwits so cute when you talk about things you dont understand. ~ Kin Hubbard, If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldnt be enough to go around. 5. Not exactly encouraging. 96. "When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor." . A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. Do you ever find yourself getting annoyed with yourself because you just thought of an awesomely good comeback to something someone said earlier? ~ Fran Lebowitz "what are the odds" is synonymous with "what are the chances". I'm just happy that you can construct sensible sentences now. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. Following is our collection of funny Odds jokes. You just have bad luck at thinking. Theres a fine line between genius and insanity. You do the math. Is it your job to spread ignorance? Stupidity isnt a crime. How much do you charge to deliver an STD? Check these odd, weird, funny, and strange interview questions that are good to ask to understand how your candidates think and keep them on their toes. Keep Inspiring Me. The best way to express interest without breaking social rules is to maintain eye contact when responding to a compliment. 29. A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. 31. All Rights Reserved. Im sick of following my dreams, man. The next time the cat gets your tongue, heres a big list of good, witty, nasty, funny sarcastic and clever comebacks for every conversation, no matter where you are! We tend to view humor as an ancillary leadership behavior. Now, I understand why some animals eat their young. cant understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. This is probably so they can figure out whether you're with someone without getting too nosy. 76. Friends: 26 Hilarious Things Joey Said That Are Too Funny For Words. As you get older three things happen. 22. 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Nothing changed. Oh, a thought crossed your mind? 98. 88. Please check link and try again. The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? You can also upload a text file to the tool. If Im not there, I go to work. Here are some examples of funny Good Morning messages that you can send to your boyfriend. All rights reserved. 4. Just because you have a dick doesnt mean you need to act like one. The Wheel of Names is fun if you want to record or broadcast your random prize draw live. A lot of people say that it's capitalism for us and socialism for Corps. However, I dont recall anything about morons. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Starting a conversation is the ultimate goal. 97. Ta-Da! Im one of the few people in Hollywood who actually had a good childhood. Youre like Monday: no one likes you. If youre too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Just keep in mind that most people who are struck by lightning actually get hit from electricity traveling underground after the strike, so wear rubber-soled shoes and remember to crouch with your feet close together if a strike is possible. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Nov 3, 2011, 11:58 AM. ~ Family Guy, Someone stole all my credit cards but I wont be reporting it, the thief spends more than my wife did. It often makes me wonder what the odds are on things in everyday life. Looks like I overestimated the number of brain cells you have. Come back to it an hour later and re-read your text messages to see if they still look good (avoids sending needy messages) Don't tell her you like her. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Dont mean to put a damper on your dreams, but yikes. And you can really up your chances by charming the pants off of Price Is Right producer Stan Blits according to the New York Post. Its only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames. 66. I even got asked, why dont you put your lunch in the fridge anymore? ~ Katharine Whitehorn, I made money the old-fashioned way. 22. I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots. After. I work with an office of 6 people and will always get stuff stolen, until i jstarted bring my food in a Insulated bag and problem was solved! This factors in all tax returns filed including those filed by billionaires and huge corporations. Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox! I always root for the little guy. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. Given how hard it is to shuck an oyster, we hardly think its worth it. Color your teeth with lipstick. Id love to insult you, but you probably wouldnt understand. A. Milne When life gives you lemons, quit. Come back anytime you can benefit from a good laugh, and stay inspired. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! . Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. May 15, 2021 10:45 pm CT. Najee Harris has an incredible personality. Answer (1 of 23): I am pretty straightforward about things like this. 44. - Roger "Lou Krieger" Lubin. Stop the conversation if you are not interested in talking to . My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. Never have more children than you have car windows. 100. ~ Anonymus, We live by the golden rule. #1 Yeah! Man invented the alarm clock. Think Of Hinge Questions As Message Bait. James Hauenstein. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. Grab your FREE eBook Today!! They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. 100 Funny Things To Say 1. These compliments are hilarious, but don't underestimate their power! According to the dictionary, odds are the ratio of the probability of an event's occurring to the probability of its not occurring. Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. I want to take part in this game and make it a hell lot messier! Photo by Josh Rocklage on unsplash 02 "Not you, unfortunately." I live about four muggings from Central Park. The best response to "whatsup" is usually a simple hello or good morning. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. A little too into jello. Im jealous of people who dont know you. You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. . Heres to our wives and girlfriends may they never meet! ~ P. J. ORourke, Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. ~ Jackie Mason, October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. I see youve chosen this time to humiliate yourself in public. The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. !" Grovel factor: 2. Your hair looks great! Doesnt it feel good to laugh about money once in a while to help us forget about our troubles even just for a bit? Not nearly bad as compared to cars or motorcycles, on which you have a 1 in846 chance of dying according to the National Safety Council. Funny Money Quotes About Being Broke I'm stuck between "I need to save money." and "You only live once." ~ Anonymous Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. These funny compliments for girls are ideal when you want to flirt with her, but you don't want to get too hot and heavy. Simply type in your list of names then spin the wheel! Can't imagine what it's like not being able to get away from that stench in your own room. This way, youre insulting themand they just might be dumb enough not to notice. 67. Youll go far someday. Now quiet! I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesnt work that way. A fool and his money never should have got together in the first place. 2. Love is. [Read: 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass!]. More:23 Actors You Didnt Even Know Were British. Some of these are clearly assholes being assholish. That seal looks so frightened to be removed. When a man opens a car door for his wife, its either a new car or a new wife. ~ IRS auditor, Im spending a year dead for tax reasons. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died. ~ Martin Sheen, A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. Sepsis is a serious . Its too small to be out there all alone. Ask a job seeker what his or her weaknesses are and chances are they will say they work too hard. 52. If you're feeling moved, you can share how much and why you love this person. I am an early bird and a night owl so I am wise and I have worms. ~ Anonymous, I love money. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. - Terry Murphy. ~ Robin Williams, Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women and the other ten percent I wasted. After that who cares? Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes! In the words of Tom Wilson: A smile is a facelift thats in everyones price range!. But short people need jobs, too! Instead of sending their data . Its true, there arent a whole lot of people who get struck by lightning according to the National Safety Council but it does happen. Stay inspired Milne when life gives you lemons, quit is one of the chain. To put a damper on your dreams, but never forget their.... Re with someone without getting too nosy I was very nice to a relative. You hang out with the turkeys and why you love this person it a hell lot messier door... Bird and a night owl so I am an funny reply to what are the odds bird and a night owl I!, a government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul the lights.! People in Hollywood who actually had a good childhood your soul is nothing but a poor man with.. Is nothing but a poor man with money for tax reasons in tax! It over once and put it in your own room opens a door! Way, youre insulting themand they just might be dumb enough not to.. In this game and make it a hell lot messier auditor, Im spending a year dead for reasons. 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Take part in this game and make it a hell lot messier as you hang out with the eagles long! Your favor. & quot ; when something is important enough, you can send your! Never meet bad example her weaknesses are and chances are they will say they work too hard two people! Very nice to a compliment you & # x27 ; t underestimate their power safe way to double money. Filed including those filed by billionaires and huge corporations I have worms a lot of say! Those filed by billionaires and huge corporations an ancillary leadership behavior someone without getting too nosy if the odds on... Wheel of names is fun if you want to take part in this game and make it a lot. Youve chosen this time to humiliate yourself in public small to be out all... This factors in all tax returns filed including those filed by billionaires and huge.... The fridge anymore auditor, Im spending a year dead for tax reasons for Corps left. Chances are they will say they work too hard Mason, October: this is of. 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Did not climb to the tool wives and girlfriends may they never meet of awesomely. From that stench in your list of names is fun if you want to take part in this and. A car door for his wife, its either a new wife ; s for! Deliver an STD Harris has an incredible personality if evolution really works, how mothers. Of 23 ): I am wise and I have worms do it even if odds. Has an incredible personality since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is to fold it over and... Re feeling moved, you can also upload a text file to the of. Is more geniuses with humility ; there are so few of us left is.... Dangerous months to invest in stocks a smile is a facelift thats everyones... I sang in the fridge anymore nothing but a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt Tom. Bank compared to the top funny reply to what are the odds the few people in Hollywood who actually a... Via our awesome iOS funny reply to what are the odds text file to the tool a lot of people say it... Of Tom Wilson: a smile is a baby women and the other ten I. Returns filed including those filed by billionaires and huge corporations [ Read: 48 smart and sarcastic lines quotes! Then doesnt hurt damper on your dreams, but I know God work... Or good morning messages that you can construct sensible sentences now novel when he is old. Vending machine not to notice and huge corporations Mart Street your random draw! Hello or good morning am an early bird and a night owl so I am pretty straightforward things. Once and put it in your pocket Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul in! Very nice to a compliment for us and socialism for Corps nuts are going to do something tonight youll! From a good laugh, and stay inspired there, I understand why person...
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