I paid the price for the next 30 years. Part of me understand what is going on in his mind and wants to support while the other just knows it is not my responsibility to heal wounds rooted in his childhood and I need to preserve myself. I feel devasted .we have overcome so much , and he just lets it all go. I love this article and it resonates so much. But then he withdrew sex and affection saying he felt off. I believe some ASD are different. This is a tough life. He runs for a hobby and runs from his life hoping to find something better but he is still anxious because its about his disorder that he refuses to address .Its a very complex self involved disorder and bad though it is for them it is bad for their life partners .I still love my husband but wonder why -he has rejected me , been cold ,cruel , dismissive and disposed of me .It is right that the marriage should end because it will be another 20 years of same casual unkindness. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. I feel this is his coping mechanism and his comfort zone. I have been thinking hard about what I want in the future. Its always hard. Well see. with. But Im sad because her company was a very positive thing in my life. Kathy, So we need to speak in logic back but being very clear. Look after You x. Lucy, Wow, I am so sorry for what you have been through. My last texts werent answered, and Im worried I might have accidentally miscommunicated in a way that she took wrongly. She left the house and other than a little initial contact, during which we were both confused and upset, I have had no contact with her. He did something wrong and I came down on him hard. Completely shut off from even asking me, how can I make you happy. We do not live together. I just discovered my husband was has ASD(undiagnosed) but still its pretty obvious once you know what to look for! I pointed out that we hadnt talked in three months and he agreed that was the case. Me and my bff worked together for over 2 years and in that time, he literally barely spoke a word to ANYONE at work. Yes it is heartbreaking but also a symptom of the terror that can grow in the mind of an autistic person. He said I came down on him hard, which I personally dont think. I have noticed a pattern of withdrawal in friendships. My needs are never met. Can he learn to understand and meet my needs at least intellectually? I know he will always have Aspergers but I really do believe he has the capacity to gain knowledge to deal with some of the symptoms in a healthier way. Apparently he does not have the skills necessary to create a loving relationship. Further they never ask themselves how you will feel if they do something like move to a hotel. But then she doesnt really talks to me anyways. I know that is an extremely emotional and difficult situation. I hope you join our group meetings to get the support that means so much when we feel this alone. I wrote him once one year ago but he never answered so i just let him be better off without me. So the simple but devastating solution she has chosen is to abandon hope and hide. Hes tried to engage in random normal conversation and Im not sure what this means as hes ignored all my bigger questions. I have tried reaching out to him, first via texts, which he mostly ignored and then said that he is now unsure of whether he wishes to continue in our relationship. To them, they're just unable to cope with the TV being moved to the opposite side of the room. Is this what you want for your future ? I have done and said everything to meet my partners needs. After a bit of time, they wear me out and I don't want to get sucked into the emotional maelstrom. When I recognized what I had done wrong and tried to reconcile, I was expecting us to talk it out like most friends do and move forward. That day I told him how I was still resentful for how cold he was during this period, even though I tried to reach out to him and expected to be more caring (i left him the house because I had a place to go and he didnt and because I couldnt afford that rent and didnt want him to pay it for me while we were separated). My aspie husband took a very harsh decision to divorce me within couple of months of marriage without assigning any reason. Just recently 1 month ago we went on a trip together and he blew up on me for saying no to an excursion. Navigating communication with her sometimes feels like an impossible minefield, but one that Im willing to try to navigate. Once I gave them an attitude and they tried to tone police me, although they were just talking to me like that too. Required fields are marked *. Truly ignorant, not self aware at all. No call no text .. nothing. I feel he does that as he is trying to save himself from an emotional breakdown? I was completely caught if guard and told him he wasnt making any sense. All this while, he hid the fact of his aspergers. Everyone thought he was crazy for how he treated me and the oddly sensitive letters they received from him when they hated him and never spoke to him for years. Once the Lovebombing phase overbe prepared for WAR! They will even misunderstand therapists and use the misinterpreted info. In recent years I felt that we were getting only the fake version of her. It's not so easy for him. I had done nothing wrong. All the acting and insecurities. I dont know what to do because it hurts being ignored and i overthink a lot that he has somebody new. He called me a week later from the psychiatric ward to tell me that we wanted different things but that he loved me and had been happy in our relationship. I broke up with her because my Aspie behavior unintentionally caused her (emotional?) I have apologized to him a few times, but he just doesnt seem to be interested in talking now. Maybe you can not see through healthy eyes because you have issues from your own past. A lack of empathy and any emotional attatchment. He has a lawyer and wants toseparate, not really understanding what it is. I felt like i was swimming against a currentbanging my head against a brick walltalking to him. I have found all your comments helpful to understand Aspie behavior I have never experienced. No topics were off limits in our conversations. When we dont know what is going on, or we dont feel heard, we can withdraw into silence. And often in online support groups of women only, I cant relate to topics such as physical abuse or outraged/angry approaches. Doesnt do check ins or check ups on me. Aspies can help by making more efforts to communicate, even if it means resorting to written forms. he always thinks of others and never forgets my birth day. I have been in a relationship for 10 months with someone with Aspergers. We ..us NT,s as they call us.worry about saying the wrong thing in case a meltdown occurs where they go silent or disappear. Ive expressed Im aware of whats happening but that I dont know where it leaves us now. Run. Many ASD actually do better with sertraline, an antidepressant, because they lack seratonin, so maybe youre dealing with something else. My ASD spouse has called me every name in the book. In other cases, aspies who grew up in those circumstances do a complete a. Life with Aspergers: Why do Aspies Suddenly Back Off in Relationships (Part 2) Is it up to me to open the lines of communication or is it up to him? Now he says I abandoned him and Im an abuser. He also gave me the silent treatment the who day. I started dating this guy for last few months. Without empathy, NeuroDiverse folks need a strong moral code to keep from slipping into narcissism. I'm willing to take baby steps to restore the relationship, but if he isn't going to budge or even talk about how he feels, then it seems pointless. We tend to have a hard time understanding the way the majority of people interact. I was everything to him, love of his life, you name it. He blows over the smallest thing. Oh my God. I got angry and now I havent heard from him in 5 days. You werent judgemental; you just wanted them to get help. We both have a high iq, me 130 and he 165. But it does put the pressure on me to do something about it. I am on day 2 of the so called silent treatment but i dont care coz i dont know what hes talking about half the time anyway. You felt evolved, and you were so immersed in this uncharted territory, you fell into this fascinating new world that made your other relationships feel like they lacked depth. But it sounds like he has no idea how to move forward with this pain. This is such a difficult situation and my heart goes out, I did not know my wife was an aspie until after we were married which sadly then fell apart. In fact he went overboard. So is mine. I feel like his last priority and it seemed like the best way to get his attention actually was to throw a tantrum. One thing you might do is appeal to his sense of fairness. Our website has recordings of past teleconferences. For example I have been banned at the Vet clinic where I have taken my animals since 1984, even before Bianca was born. Since an NT doesn't understand what an effort we've been making, they're liable to think us cold when we stop trying so hard. You felt like the luckiest person on the planet. He told me from the initial beginning of our relationship that he has Aspergers syndrome. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". He has a psychologist who reinforces some of his behaviors. In fact, their mind may be totally blank. I tried to reach out and talk about what happened, our feelings and he shut me down saying it has no sense to talk about that and that all has already been said. They think they are the only one who feels this way. Kathy, I appreciate your comment on taking care of myself, but do you have a suggestion on how I can rebuild my Aspie husbands trust? I was so happy that a woman I liked invited me somewhere. So with an Aspie, they will look apon anyone who they cannot understand as being a disappointment. Hope you'll feel better soon! Since the aspergers diagnosis is based on purely subjective criteria, it's not unlikely that in some cases, sociopaths may be misdiagnosed as aspies. (Part 1) Another thing to consider is that many of us are far better at sex than romance or love. When we started the relationship, I mentioned to him and his folks that some things arent right but I was told to embrace their family quirks rather than trying to change them. Its just really sad and scary and hard. Two days ago I sent him an understanding email, to try to let him know that Im not angry and that either way, whether he decided to break up with me or stay together, life would carry on calmly. Its hard to keep letting someone doing this know youre there for them and still thinking of them as your partner (I havent seen him in a month). You cant carry on like this or you will get terribly sick. Thats what I am learning. Changed how I communicated with him and stopped taking his bluntness personally. .of Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Disorder. We had beautiful memories and dated for a year and he went cold and he broke up with me. I did ask him if he had Aspergers and thats when all the blocking happened. @KAW, I don't know about the incidence of bipolar, only that depression and anxiety can plague Aspies. He was mad that I contacted his friend ( I did it cuz I wanted advice how to handle this. I was made to understand this? Not understanding what he was really feeling, I took it as a rejection. If . He is slightly awkward socially but I find that adorable. Is there a virtual meet up with wives of Aspie husbands available to join or anyone available just to chat via phone about life with an Aspergers husband? My ex aspie partner doesnt even want anything to do with his own child. When we met despite some quirks from he and me as well we connected on a deep level and things were going well. After seven months of making my BF feel amazing (as he put it everyday), I literally got flowers one time on my bday and told I was pretty only on that day. Being expert manipulators, narcissists know your vulnerabilities and may appeal to your emotions with cries for help, romantic gestures, messages, cards, or gifts on significant . When hes out he falls back into as I call it living in his own world. Thomas Holland, who had always wanted to be a bus driver . 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