He plays the system well. We cannot rely on them to make that decision. While he has his Triumph. Your success story in inspirational , Hi, i have a question about the last part of the last sentence in the letter which i would really like to understand the meaning of it, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.. The very last section is what got to me. I said goodbye and told him that I hope I had made an Impact in his life in a good way and that he has learned something from this just as I have. So better go trough the pain. He accepts my terms which areno triangulation with his new paramours, no lying, no declarations of love and no meeting in person. The plain people are t so perfect my heart aches for what I know and Im so grateful for my station in life and enjoy that out here in my English world, I have means to escape if I need to. They are jealous & envious of YOU, they literally want EVERYTHING that you are & you have, including your SOUL And the story will repeat again, maybe shell catch him and get out instead of staying like I did for 4 years. I married an alcoholic whom didnt stay in recovery. Till this day I do not have prove that this is his way of getting me to contact him, but I have seen a pattern. He now has stalked and harassed me to no end. HiHe is still on your mind that much, you really need to go no Contact, he is playing games but your allowing it. my narcissist is a parent. If you counted how many times he used the word I, you'd roll your eyes. It is sooo difficult when they are the nice narcissist. I dont know what to do, but I need to do SOMETHING because Im in limbo. Does that make sense Kim? There are two scenarios in which a narcissist wants their ex back. Can anyone give me some answers as to why he is so interested in contact if he is so happy and moved on. He is hoovering and still active and persistant about it even since hes moved back with Kym. BPD psychopaths are the worst psychopaths, opposite to what you may suspect. I really thought he had gone, truly truly thought he had gone. I had a difficult time. Aside from that, he seems to have all the blue-print traits of a Narcissist and its very unlikely things will EVER improve. A part of me is disgusted by him, and a part of me is fascinated by the mirroring and gas lighting. A wife was left feeling 'angry and confused' after her husband asked if he can have an affair with another woman. Contrast with a recent email message I received when he found out the kids were asking me again about his behavior this summer under the influence of alcohol and prescription meds: As for your conversations with the kids, try your hardest to be an adult. February 8, 2021 by Zan. I bought him 2 cars which were never good enough. It is sad because you love her unconditionally. In my mind he was not taking responsibility for his own words and actions. The reason is that they want you to hurt. When it comes to the ex-partners of a narcissist, they fall into two categories. I would also go with Option 1. Now that you know what he is and you exposed him, he will do everything possible to make you look like you are the crazy one because he fears you because you know the truth about him. Bipolar, Addict, Narcissist who would have thought that this is who she turned out to be ? Once that mask falls, you can't pick it back up. I have spent my whole life with narcissistic men beginning with my father. For example, perhaps they really arent interacting with a particular ex at a particular time. Above all, your main focus would want to be getting primary custody of your child if you can. It got ugly but I loved him so much, I forgave him everytime. Because as far as the experts are concerned; narcissists have dark personality traits, lack empathy and narcissists rarely change. Being the victim of narsasistic abuse is very tough. Your ex-partner may not even know. She doesnt even bother with the dog anymore, which is why I think shes gone for good this time. My point is for me six months silence and those kinds of insults mean you must despise me and want nothing to do with me because you think Im such a horrible individual. So end of January I eventually snapped and said Im uncomfortable with this, I dont like it. He is 42 and has had a string of relationships that always endI miss talking to fault and and spending time together. I will have to be strong and say no otherwise will go back in the vicious circle. It has been over 2 yrs that my ex broke up w me according to him because I send an old guy friend a meme I LOVE YOU FRIENDETC SEND TO 15 OF YOUR FRIENDS. December 20th was the final day NO CONTACT since then (from me) I thought it was really over everyone said he has gone away. How difficult this would be for you. You know what hell she put me through. I am trying desperately to break away but it has been not even 24 hours since last contact and Im clinging to the sad hope that hell reach out to me. I see signs that I never would have recognized before my own experience. 1. Perhaps we had to cut off all communication without any conversation at all. Ten years and two kids later with a Narc. I want you to know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. The sooner you see that everythjng is about them, their is a pattern you get caught up in with them. He saw my strong, independent nature as a threat..that I would leave him. A classic strategy narcissists use to keep their victims under control is belittling them. I can see youre struggling to figure out. after 3 month no contact this is what he said in a private message on FB: I miss jXXX (grandchild). Mine definitely sees me as his saving grace and fought hard to have some kind of contact with me. Yes, I told him finally a few months after we broke up in an email. Everything your narcissist loved about you at the start of the relationship will now become a major turn-off to them, and they'll let you know. It surprised me, thought she was married to the guy she lives with. While I have engaged with him a few times on social media in the last year since that happened, he hasnt made any serious attempt to get back together with me, although hes alluded to being friends. Perhaps the narcissist will come back down the road with an apology for bad behavior or promises to answer outstanding questionsthe closure we never got. Just out of curiousity, does he know that you know hes a Narc? Like what was said above, men are generally taught to remain strong and cover their feelings more often, which is why men dont post as much. Cara, Im sorry for all the sorrow youve experienced. Its lifting me up. Im new to the revelation of having been with not one but two narcissists. There is something so mysterious and sympathetic about her. My ex has gone so far as to contact my son, who is a grown man, because I have gone no contact. So, Ive done a lot of reading and digging to figure out what my ex common law was. I feel extremely grateful. My ex wanted some time to think about what he wanted so I ended it for him. It is time to heal! So, I think he sees ME as his saving grace. Dont buy it. Yesterday i missed him so bad i almost texted him!! I married him because he begged me to marry him two years into our relationship. Any thoughts? I just didnt like the way he seemed to be larger than life. She hasnt shed a tear since I walked out after finding out about the affair. Im worried he wants revenge. I listen I watch but I just see his weakness and, regardless of this, his attempt to appear respectable. [Read: 12 Ways Narcissists Narcissists Use Social Media]. What about over one or two years. Someone should take up a collection of these and publish a free ebook to send to every 17 year old just making their way out into the larger world, with all the red flags highlighted and footnoted. He told me he picked me on purpose to break his pattern of dating crazies. *head smack* Notice the opening paragraph where he manages to shoot down my family, my religious background, my summer job and my college friends in a few short sentences. It was a crazy roller coaster. And maybe more so as they might be subjected to childhood trauma for being devalued as effeminate, and because men can more eerily reflect back the narcs ultimate self-love they are seeking (as the love letter above captures well). Once she knew that the image reflected in my eyes is not what she desires to see (because I told her) gone. It is terrible to read these things. He said I was thinking stupid and that there was nothing there Next thing you know he ended it with me, totally ended it. They might say something like, I hated the way my ex dressed, they never made an effort for me. Although educating ourselves about the disorder is important, there does come a time when continuing it can hamper our healing efforts because it leads to perpetual triggering. Because now i have nothing anymore. I often wonder why after all the horrible things Narcs do to us why we cant hate them? Do they send clues or try to spy to see if you are still alive? I feel i need him. I caught him once again lying about a girl and still does. He worked on me till he boke me . I wanted him to get better. I have cut contact from him again (following several arguments culminating in him threatening to contact the police because I apparently disrespected him); but it has been getting difficult to keep the ties cut, but this article has motivated me to stay away from his damaging behaviours and to have more respect for myself. So many things about human behavior have come into sharp focus for me, and it caused me to take a major step back before proceeding to date others. The VERY NEXT DAY she called suggesting I look her up on facebook. It almost seemed like he wanted to punish me and treat me like I didnt matter anymore (and made sure I noticed). After ten days he started answer and said that i have the right of the trueth and would tell me the day after. Thank god I got a new job that it will provide for me and my son to move out, otherwise I would have been screwed. Reading this site has helped me get a little better handle on my feelings however. I agree. Since 2012 my ex hasnt done anything for our kids including being a father. She would eventually apologize to me, and mention she did not mean to hurt me and that I am such a great person and such. Funny that, had no problems for 20 years until i called him out on his bullshit. He is just an empty shell. We separated for 7 months and he befriended a woman I later found out he was spending tiime with her at her home. Natural Remedies for Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. If he can still affect you, if he knows you are monitoring his actions, feeling bad or upset that he has not contacted you, he will use this period to manipulate you. He had the nerve to ask if I still hated him??!! WHY DO I WANT HIM BACKWHY CANT I JUST FORGET ABOUT HIMIM SCARED THANKS FOR HEARING ME OUT, You have to realeyes that being involved with an narc is no thing like being with someone who is not a narc. Only uses him when its convienant for him. I was the love of her life. So i said i have a boyfriend also.He never said anything before the weekend begins. I say, yes, why? So, O sent him a mail as well as a letter. There are many professionals who do treat narcissists successfully. Does that mean he wasnt a narcissist? There are only a few people that I really want and need in my life. To validate my investment.). The thing that gives me a bad feeling is that in the meantime when he did not contact you he has a lot of fun and totaly forget about you. Well I saw him and her with his dog and her 5 dogs hiking together. Mostly, its the Narcissist sending little texts, showing up at your door with flowers, coming to you because theyve had a life-changing epiphany where, through some kind of divine intervention, theyve been shown the pain and sorrow they put you through and promise to change. And then text message that i still want to have peace with another. I grew up with a mother who was (is?) Pretty silly aspirations huh!? Reading Suggestion: How to make a Narcissist Miserable? Told him he was a liar, manipulator, attention seeking narcissist. He only neglected me, ignored me, lied over and over again, and all other behaviour narcissists have. However, he was always emotionally putting me down, calling me stupid or crazy, or that my way of thinking was crazy. There is someone good out there for you that wont drive you crazy. We separated in August 2012 four days after our daughters 7th birthday after him striking me so hard I thought hed broken my jaw/cheekbone. He texts me last night angry and drunk (super attractive that is lol) and I responded one time, quite rudely, and then blocked the bastards number and went to sleep. It makes me question what is real and what isnt. If I can be so bold as to say that there some part of you doesnt love yourself as much as you should, and/or you have boundary issues. And looking at him as third party real cemented the pitiful character he is. I remain perpetually on the fence about him! All because I told him he was a liar and I didnt trust him. if you imagine this group like stars in the galaxy the abusers feel like orbiting black holes I have to keep well away from them its exhausting and so I have never felt in the correct mental place to clip into my glider and take off to fly to do that you need to have your mind up there in the clouds free and clear thinking about the birds and feeling only the air you need to be free and I have not been now for more than 6 months and diminished for a year before that, So if this is anything it is an attempt to move forward and try to step further away from what happened and to be honest I really feel I need some support I feel very vulnerable and alone this whole thing has destroyed my sense of community I have no casual social contact with any of the pilots who I know talk a bit together every day I have none of that I see a small group once a week in the pub where we just talk about stuff like normal people its them who admonished me for wanting to ignore this offer and so it was this my last foothold that fell away when I asked for advice normal people simply do not understand the dynamic of NPD explaining it makes you seem like a total nutter, I know I am taking a risk I know that this is common behaviour this coming back it is destabilising a fragile but doggedly tenacious recovery but I also realise its only me who is going to recover no one is going to do it for me and so like in that quote from my book I am doing a thing and shutting my eyes in hope that it will be better somehow. 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