Her statement, tooand the statements of the scores of women who joined her, armed with pain and furyis part of the paradox: It is eloquence that should not be required. In January 2015, then 19-year-old Stanford University student Brock Turner was arrested and charged with two counts of rape, two counts of felony sexual assault, and one count of attempted rape after he was caught assaulting an unconscious student outside a frat party. For years, Chanel Miller was known to the public only as Emily Doe, a young woman who had been assaulted by Brock Turner, a star swimmer at Stanford University. In newspapers she was described as the "unconscious intoxicated woman." The Cuts Lindsay Peoples moderates a conversation at the New Museum about art and storytelling and how tech can help and hinder both. Three years later, the woman who crafted that viral testimony has released another kind of victim-impact statement. It is not a joyful thing, when so much work has gone into arguing for survivors basic humanity. I had only been thinking of me in my body. Emily Doe endures demeaning treatment from Turners defense attorney during cross examination. I think right now, as a country, were still in stay afloat mode. Elizabeth Holmes Has Given Birth to Her Second Child. Before, I expected it to be like: Im going to set into the world with my little sword, Ill protect my family. So whenever I thought about a really potent emotional memory related to the assault, my editor would challenge me to come up with another memory in my life that had a similar emotional core even though it may not have been the same experience at all. So that was wonderful. The books She Said and The Education of Brett Kavanaugh describe how Christine Blasey Ford was talking and thinking about your case before deciding to come forward with her memories about Kavanaugh. After years of litigation, the city settled with Kobe Bryants widow and their daughters. Anyone can read what you share. Looking back, when I was preparing to release my name, it felt like I was preparing for battle. There's Miller's sister, Tiffany, who was there the night of the assault. Meanwhile, women and victims aren't ever given the same leeway. The trial became, effectively, a second job. I think all of these feelings that you experience are ultimately bearable. At the sentencing hearing, Miller read a powerful and lengthy statement about the effect the assault had on her life. A year later, Turner was tried on and convicted of three counts of sexual assault. You have all this tension and grief and trauma over a year-and-a-half, and you get there, and they say, 'Alright . The rapist Brock Turner has a disgusting number of supporters despite the fact he, the rapist Brock Turner, raped a woman. Password must be at least 8 characters and contain: As part of your account, youll receive occasional updates and offers from New York, which you can opt out of anytime. The blaming is., Know My Names power resides, in large part, in its detailsdetails that could belong only to Chanel Miller, that could serve only her story. So, comedy I could swear onstage, I could yell. But what if he was already sleeping? Media attention on the assault focused on Turner's skills in the swimming pool(Opens in a new tab). It should not be required of the women who speak in Surviving R. Kelly. A new mural in San Francisco is her museum debut. The story opens right before the attack, on Saturday, Jan. 17, 2015. Near the end of Know My Name, Miller talks about finding a new therapist after settling, following her chaotic year, in San Francisco. She takes a class in print-making. And the last panel, while suggesting an optimistic outcome, is hardly a vision of unassailable psychological progress. You dont know me, but youve been inside of me, and thats why were here today was Emily Does first transportive address to her assailant. Eventually she starts imagining what people would say if she asked for help, questions that ring strikingly similar to the ones the defense asks her about the night of her assault: "What was she doing alone at night? Of course it is wonderful that he stayed. On the walk, she slowly realizes that because she lives farthest away, she would be left to walk home in the dark alone. Two young men on bicycles rescued her. Miller's statement went viral. You appear as someone who is not suffering. Miller is a gifted storyteller who establishes her authority by stacking details, setting scenes. Miller: Absolutely. In 2015, Miller was a recent college graduate, working at a startup and living at home with her parents in the Bay Area. I have moved beyond him as an individual. But it bothered me that having a boyfriend and being assaulted should be related, as if I alone was not enough. So that to me isnt a valid apology. This article was published more than3 years ago. ", Voters Recall Aaron Persky, Judge Who Sentenced Brock Turner. And that fueled me and propelled me, so creating was no longer my little hobby I felt I had to do this.. The American legal system, particularly when it comes to these matters, is instead largely calibrated toward silence. [3] Research and writing process [ edit] In September 2019, Chanel Miller revealed herself as being "Emily Doe" in the People v. I didnt think about celebrating the literary achievements and being able to talk about craft. Women may have harbored a fear of knowing her. Wearing Nothing but His Wedding Kilt, Xander Wakes Up Next to Chanel Plus, Sami Tries to Sneak Lucas Past 'Susan'. "Assault buries the self," she explains at another point in the book. 157 following. I want to promote this idea of perpetual healing, she said. The first image could easily be read as a reference to how Ms. Miller was found on the ground in 2015 outside a Stanford fraternity by two graduate students on bicycles who witnessed Mr. Turners assault. So by writing, I can make visible every feeling thats previously been trapped inside me. I know youre still in there, but I also know that this context is making you crazy. It wasnt just me and my character flaws and my inability to handle things. Know My Name reminds me of E. Jean Carrolls book What Do We Need Men For? In Carrolls list of hideous men, which includes the President of the United States, Carroll is indirect, slightly fugitive. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Want to shop from more small businesses? Its so vital. He served three of those, and then was released. The character is on a journey, Ms. Miller said of her simple line drawings. I couldnt think of anyone except for my family, who have apologized repeatedly to me for not knowing more about what I was going through, for not preventing it in the first place. Persky was the first California judge to be recalled in more than 80 years. Miller: Something really important was that whenever I had my fits of rage, he would never say You are crazy or Youre too much or Whats wrong with you? He could see that I was being consumed by a force that was bigger than me. Anything I do in the future will be by the victim who wrote a book, Miller writes. Chanel Miller was born and raised in Palo Alto, California, as the daughter of Chris Miller and May May Miller, a. How important do you think this process of learning to love the little things again is on the path toward recovery? Ms. Millers healing-themed mural,I was, I am, I will be, can be seen from outside the newly renovated Asian Art Museum in San Francisco. Addressing Turner directly, she told him that he "took away my worth, my privacy my confidence, my own voice.". Got it, Miller writes. Comedy? Marci Kwon, a Stanford professor who included Ms. Miller in her course on Asian-American art, said she found a recent comic strip called The Dangerous Myth of the Model Minority that Ms. Miller posted on Instagram to be especially powerful. Did any of that inspire you to go from Emily Doe to Chanel Miller? And that allows me to move on. This is necessary because of the ways in which the assault, trial, and subsequent media coverage tried to turn her into a faceless, one-dimensional person. Its lush words are accompanied by the specter of all that might have beenthe shadow of the path that was, without Millers say, so violently bent in another direction. sexually assaulted Chanel Miller: Yes. Persky said he understood how her "life has been devastated by these events. This is another specter in the book. What mercy, sir, did you show my daughter when she was begging for her life? she said to Tex Watson, one of her daughters killers, at a parole hearing. Never mind the book. Musk shared his vision to move the world to sustainable energy, but didn't offer much more. But Know My Name suggests a certain inflection point when it comes to the matter of discussion: the victim-impact statement that transcends the courtroom. The magnitude of the #MeToo movement made pigeonholing each one of us impossible. In Know My Name, she observes her own ordeal by adopting the stance of a reporter, a media critic, and an activism-minded theorist. Ms. Miller wrote the first draft of her statement through tears and anger in one sleepless night in May 2016. Chanel Miller's Secret Source of Strength "Drawing was a way for me to see that I was still there," says the author, who refuses to be defined by an assault. What role did comedy play in your recovery? New books reveal the obstacles #MeToo had to overcome and why its not over, A queer users guide to the wild and terrifying world of LGBTQ dating apps. But victim-impact statementsvictim, impact, each term so fraughtoften double as reclamations. But we do it in the hopes that it will be absorbed by someone. I wondered if, in their eyes, the victim remained stagnant, living forever in that twenty-minute time frame. (Kavanaugh denied Fords allegations and was confirmed.) The effect is often to dehumanize the survivor. In it, she reclaims her story, giving it a new name, face, and voice. In the new Netflix show Unbelievable, the series climactic scene is not, revealingly, the apprehension of the rapist who has terrorized multiple women across multiple states, and who has eluded capture for years. Its strange going from such a defensive mode to this awakening, to being in the world and realizing that I can relax a little more and that so many people want to protect me. The word "victim" calls to mind someone meek, someone hurt, someone who can't fend for herself. I like that Im being approached for ways to help people listen to their internal lives and to sit with sadness. She remembered little of what happened, a fact that was used against her by Turner's defense attorney. I understand why youre feeling that then I know Im not insane for feeling it. She is Chinese-American, and an artist and a writer. Miller: People will [say]: Youre so good to be there, and hes like, Well, I didnt do it for charity. Chanel Miller is 22-year-old the Stanford rape survivor. Four years ago, Chanel Miller, still known as Emily Doe in the sexual assault case against Brock Turner, wrote a 12-page victim impact statement so powerful that it went viral on BuzzFeed and landed her a major book deal. The assault is never personal, Miller writes. From luxurious hotel-style duvet covers to relaxed linen options. Everybody does. "It was stunning, the effects rippling out wider than I could have ever imagined," Miller writes after reading her friends and relatives' sentencing hearing letters. Women are talking today because, in this new era, we finally can. More than 160 women spoke out against the predations of Larry Nassar; one of them was the Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman. What Persky and most media coverage misses though is the experience of the victim and what she lost. Critics assailed Persky for being too lenient. Youre on a bench, and an old man offers you a bell pepper. In the courtroom I felt bland, diluted and colorless. Chanel Miller is 22-year-old the Stanford rape survivor. In Miller's new memoir, " Know My Name ," which published in September, she writes about feeling defined solely as the anonymous victim of something terrible that happened one night in 2015 while. Some days, living with Lucas in Philadelphia for a spell, she barely leaves her bed. She triesto cooperate, to trust, to heal, to keep trying. For years, Chanel Miller was known only as "Emily Doe." In 2015, she was sexually assaulted after a Stanford University party. Chanel Miller introduced herself to the public Tuesday ahead of the release of her memoir, Know My Name, later in the month. And so it means a lot when someone wants to be there for you. Persky rationalizes his comically minor sentence by citing the "adverse collateral consequences on the defendant's life resulting from the felony conviction. That decision, by Judge Aaron Persky, was met with outrage. And after his apology, the action he took was to file an appeal to try and reverse the verdict. I just used it like I never had to use it before. There prevails an expectation that survivors maintain their tact. Does Prince Harry Have Any Revelations Left to Share? It's infuriating, made even more so by the fact that the judge of all people seems to agree with Turner's father. A new mural in San Francisco is her. Imagining Radical Futures Through Art and Technology. 267k Followers, 157 Following, 163 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Chanel Miller (@chanel_miller) chanel_miller. That night, she made a last-minute decision to join. A real apology requires introspection and confrontation with the magnitude of harm thats taken place by your hand. When you have just a tingle of a reminder that you can enjoy something or if your body can perk up and be excited about something even if youre mentally not there yet its still really nice and helps you move along. To me, apology means nothing without action. If Im not taking care of myself and giving them the time and space to emerge, then they have to sit with their arms crossed inside me where its murky and human., That summer, struggling to function and sleep, she drew a picture of two bicycles and taped it over her bed to remind myself that there was a point in time when two people knew for a fact that I deserved to be protected, even if I didnt understand how to help myself. Later, she drew the faces of the jurors who found Mr. Turner guilty as a way to document these people who saw me and bore witness to my story and spit me out in a place where I knew I would be able to recover.. Miller sees the therapist for months before revealing that she has been sexually assaulted; in response, the therapist asks, Have you read the Stanford victim statement?. I used to think the timeline of feelings would align with the timeline of experiences. Policemen were summoned, a Stanford dean was awakened to come see if he could recognize me, witnesses asked around; nobody knew who I belonged to, where Id come from, who I was. The book finds Miller first trying to figure out what happened to her after she attended a fraternity party with her sister, who was visiting for the weekend, and a few friends (one of them attended Stanford; Miller, living in Palo Alto at the time, decided to tag along with the group, just for fun). Chanel Miller is the Stanford rape survivor who has been known to the world as Emily Doe until she revealed her name and face on September 4th, 2019. "I ached from the way this ugly event had reared its head in our relationship as we struggled to incorporate it into our lives," she writes. 267K followers. Once I secured the verdict, that was actually the first time I was able to step back and begin processing. She takes a lot of long bike rides. At the hospital, it had never occurred to me that it was important I was dating someone. The Dangerous Myth of the Model Minority. Two men are staring at her, one of whom is a deputy police officer. It could be from childhood, from anywhere. You are learning, finally, how to fight back. Who would want to get caught up in a mess? Something about the claustrophobia of not being able to get out of your body being forced to live in this single vessel that has been taken out of your control is really scary. When Chloe arrives at Basic Black, she tells Nicole that Brady is working from home because of her. At his sentencing, Miller observes that he stood hunched, holding a single sheet of paper, from which he reads his vacant apology. But it shouldnt have to exist at all. So, yes, each one was like a nudge forward. Pivoting to discuss your actual writing: I was struck both times I read the book by your incredible grasp of metaphor and the way you are able to take an experience and compare it to another experience so deftly. In cases like this, the perpetrator is a dense magnet, intentionally or incidentally becoming the center of a grand discursive field. It was a really slow process of coming into being. She goes scuba diving with Lucas, and the blooming anemones and softly swaying reefs remind her of the worlds warm possibilities. There is no more self-effacing sobriety, no more conclusions plastering confusion and fury. My drawings are never about the assault but how to live with it.. In literature, we might call him the protagonist. How many beers did she have? Its like the rope to lower myself is longer because I can draw. She was speaking from her apartment in New York, where she moved with her longtime boyfriend the week before the city issued a stay-at-home pandemic order, giving her more time for art-making. She agrees, without fully understanding what the decision will end up demanding of her, to press charges against Turner. "But it is mine, told to the best of my ability.". Doris Tate, the mother of Sharon Tatethe eight-months-pregnant actor who was killed by followers of Charles Manson in 1969used statements of impact every time one of the murderers came up for parole. Even in formulating my own questions, I think I had to push back on an ingrained tendency to make you do that rehashing. Privacy Policy and Miller's story proves survivors have a voice, and that voice is powerful. Where was she coming from? Earlier this year, with the announcement of a memoir, Know My Name, the identity of Emily Doe was revealed. As she says in the book, "My pain was never more valuable than his potential.". 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