Reply Shiny-And-New . 47. 157. Why does everyone love visiting France? An English detective was running around the country looking for 'Leeds' for his case. 173. The EU hasnt made enough of that., That may be true. 3. Now, although I feel more French, I have a greater respect for the English, because I realise Im not one of them. 20. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. And Marmite? Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama? ", 71. 2. 10. What unit of measurement do the British use to measure very heavy objects? 108. Why did the tourist get his eyesight fixed before going to Britain? A Honey Nut, Cheerio. Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong. What tea can a person from Britain not stand? To be honest, I think the English are more open to the world and know France better than the French know the English. A wealthy Frenchman was showing off his yachts. "Yes, I are. It depends. Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. Well send you tons of inspiration to help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big day out. Et ils finissent toujours par ne pas ltre. Robert de Roquebrune. What did the little champagne bottle call his father? As Shakespeare once said, They have the same climate. 200. He even went as far as naming his ice cream shop 'The Rolling Cones'. How do you say those? 136. I haven't talked to him in a while, so I don't know if he is sick 'Orwell' anymore. 76. When is it Christmas in Poland? But even though we give the French a lot of slack. Enjoy this roundup of jokes and quotations about France. The rest are 'weekdays'. 47. A British man visits Australia. Having an After Eight at 7.30); and the Poles, who have a go at the Germans for pretty much anything (German footballers are like German food: if theyre not imported from Poland theyre no good). 112. 164. Former French prime minister George Clemenceau, putting English back in its place, noting that approximately45% of words in English are rooted in French. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. It is now a sort of polite insult. Britain's collective memory is also distinct but is more often defined against the French. Those were the best of Thames. Six months later: one of the Spanish men has killed the other and is now living with the Spanish woman, the three French people have decided to become a threesome and the Englishman is still waiting to be introduced to the others.. So the drivers could see the battlefield. British people are very artistic, probably because they consume a lot of 'creativi-tea'. Did you hear about the small chicken that lived in a Parisian opera house? What did the mother say to his son when he verbally abused her? What you probably don't know is that it is also used to call someone "lazy" or "dummy.". Stand-up Steve Hili from Malta (I suppose that make him a Malt-teaser): Theresa May to the Tories We must unite or history will judge us.Tories But you told us we were taking back sovereignty of our own courts!'. 43. When you buy through the links on our site we may earn a commission. A 29-year-old Frenchman who studied in Spain and Germany and now lives in Brussels, Seignovert said the jokes underlined the adage that "teasing is a sign of affection. 7. It's never been shot and only dropped once! 18. 43. The chief says to them, "you must die for intruding our land. "Smiles." 53. Vive la diffrence! The Estonians on the (hard-drinking) Finns: Two Finns meet up for the first time in years. "I can't handle your luggage, I'm only a 're-porter'", he chuckled. After the work day was over we went to a nearby farmer's market just for a stroll. Forceful friends. By joining Kidadl you agree to Kidadls Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and consent to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl. Score: 2. The last time I talked to my brother, he was really sick. Why was the English man so sad about being in college, so far away from his lover? Apparently, the British hated rows, which was why they columnized so many places. 31. As an Amazon Associate, Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. They got tea-bagged. British Neighbors One of my friends has British neighbors, and they told him that they are royalty. I erected a monument to a famous French general and president. But it is our custom to allow you to choose your own death.". 14. He surrendered." What did the loanshark say to the Frenchman who loaned some money? The Macedonians giggle at the (lack of) machismo of Greek men: If you knew how to cook and clean, says a Greek husband to his wife, I wouldnt need a maid. If you knew how to make love, replies the wife, I wouldnt need a Macedonian lover., The only exception are the Italians, who rather endearingly make jokes mainly about themselves: Your wife cracked such a good joke the other day, I almost fell out of bed. Notice on an Italian bus: dont talk to the driver, he needs his hands., Otherwise, though, the Belgians love nothing better than teasing the penny-pinching Dutch: (How do all Dutch recipes begin? The Swedes have got nice neighbours); and the Portuguese, who mock Spanish arrogance (In a recent survey, 11 out of 10 Spaniards said they felt superior to the others). A. 1. Candide. 19. Two days after Christmas in Germany. Some of them are pretty. Why do British people say, "I'm Bri ish"? Borrow six eggs, 200g of flour, half a litre of milk or Why do the Dutch make so many jokes about the Belgians? When taken out of context, jokes may come across as mean or seem to promote cultural appropriation. He is Socialist Franois Hollande. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. Go behind closed doors for fun anecdotes and the unvarnished truth on those intriguing French habits ;). This is why hes ahead. They never get Bordeaux-ed about him. 160. France is known for its rich cultural significance. I'm British. Some of these are really too good. Ed dit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! The puppy couldn't be 'thamed'. Why was Sherlock Holmes looking at the Monopoly box with suspicion? 1. The Irish border is the beach.. They all stand on a stage in front of the people and drop their pants one by one. Marge Simpson, "The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." Outside work, her interests include music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading. Updated: Mar 28, 2022. He couldn't 'Oxford' to see her. Gamble in British currency. A British man loved to live in fantasy land. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly puns for everyone to enjoy! They're always nearly on the 'Thames'. 11. Don't read too much into it. If you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission. I liked the absence of harassment of women in the streets; France has a lot to learn here. How are the British taking to the Metric System? Why do British people always talk about their finances on television? 41. These hilarious English jokes and puns will knock your socks off! My friend just invested in a new company that provides haircuts to British people on flights. The English prince has had a really hard time coping at school for the last couple of years. What do you call a London train that is full of lecturers? The idea, triggered by Brexit, is the subject of his latest documentary, Meilleurs Ennemis Ma Relation Avec La Perfide Albion (Best of Enemies My Relation with Perfidious Albion). Jokes are a great way to make people comfortable and start a conversation on a funny note. Histoire de pomme de terre C'est l'histoire de deux pommes de terre. My sister just came back from her summer semester in England. Because it was a beret good time! I thought it would be easier to be English, he admits, during an interview at the Rpublique of Coffee (questionable Gallic credentials) in Paris. 30. The old French military flag was three white Fleur-de-lis on a field of white. But why consume de la mme chose every day? Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. Some of them are pretty crude and unsubtle, but theyre rarely downright nasty. What was the British tea thinking about when he had an existential crisis? What kind of instrument does a British person play? "Are you the English teacher?" One of them says, "I had a business but it burned to the ground. Jokes in French are also a door into French culture. Not much, as long as everyone else has got less. Ils ne savouent jamais vaincus. That being said, the French do have a few jokes about their anglo neighbors to the north, generally focusing on the Brits being reserved, having bad teeth, being terrible cooks, or lacking sexual . The chef made sure to tour all the bakeries in England. His skill in a plane was rivaled only by his skill in bed and he had many a fair young thing aching for his love. In 2008, British historians tracked down the world's oldest joke a fart joke from 1900 BC. Because it is beautiful in every Cezanne. First, they go for a drink, and Castro praises the beer. You sow the seeds and wait for it to rain for 600 years., The food? When you buy through the links on our site we may earn a commission. I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds! Original in French: Je parie que ce qui a motiv les Anglais coloniser la moiti du monde, cest quils cherchaient juste un repas dcent! I love France. This is where our politicians work. Thats OK, says the motorist. That surprised me, but Im a bit English in that way. 49. I want to know what it is now! 3. 16. English writer Douglas Jerrold notes that it could be much worse: the two countries could be right next to each other. In the words of one particularly fine Belgian quip: How does a Frenchman commit suicide? Article 50. Original in French: Le seul point sur lequel les Anglais saccordent parfaitement avec les Franais, cest de conduire sur la file de gauche. Anonymous, Ah, those Brits and the French: can never agree on anything. Non, non, non, he grimaces. From rivals to allies, the British and French know how to duel. She named it 'Oh My Cod'. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. Whats the difference between the Swedes and the Finns? Germanys Henning Wehn on Britains passion for swearing: With stand-up in Britain what you have to do is bloody swearing. 'U K?'. A pomme de terrier. Ill bring six friends, says the Scot. A British man takes a sip of his coffee And says, This is not my cup of tea. From rivals to allies, the British and French know how to duel. Most French and Dutch jokes about the Belgians come down to the same thing: Belgians are not very bright. Because the taste is brie-ond brie-lief! True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." Ding, ding, ding, we have a Winnersh.
